Million Dollar Con

Well, I managed to catch 'Million Dollar Traders' on iplayer after long day in cold cold london. Not fun. Anyway, nota fan of this one. Perhaps it's a bit early, but my advice would be, approach with caution. If you're looking for an insight in to the world of city trading, then try elsewhere. Ostensibly a 'unique insight' in to the belly of a rather misunderstood, and often berated beast, the show's patronising simplicity leaves much to be desired. Take the description of short selling as a 'complex deal', well I'm no expert, but borrowing something from someone, selling it, then giving the same thing back to them when it's market value has dropped doesn't strike me as pariculaly 'complex'; at least not in comparison to the aptly named ' Complexity economics', which not even a hag worn wikipedia whore like me can comprehend. Yet the oh so M&S narrator felt the need to adopt a kind of confused affectation in her voice so dazzlingly patronising I shat myself, but at least mother Waitrose was there to clean me up, and pop a fresh nappy on me as I was made to sit through five minutes, yes five minutes, of stunningly dull cut-aways, all involving "flashing screens with scary numbers on them" *insert mock whinny-toddler voice here*. Presumably to numb me in to a false sense of awe, so when treated to the site of seven, well maybe not seven but at least five, imbeciles fawning around with someone else's money in such an astoundingly ham fisted way I wouldn't stand up, hurl abuse and chug all over my comically small PC screen, but instead sit back, impressed, at the fact that seven, no five, cretinous turds, who would barely qualify as tea-boys in reality, can 'have-a-go' with the fancy-number-crunchy-machine, and in the words of screen legend and sex icon Bruce Forsyth: 'Didn't they do well."

There's a rather waxy ex-city boy, imperviously looking down on our herd of orks from his glass tower, really it's just an office, who live at the other end of the gauntlet, by which I mean overly lit basement, given a lick of paint and an ego for a few weeks, so the festering rodent players in this sordid game can scuttle around imbibing themselves with an utterly unfounded sense of self-importance while we gawp like morons, jealous of their happy shiny lives. Assuming the necessary Evil Villain character, played so well by Alan Sugar in BBC 2's peerless
The Apprentice, is Lex Van Dam, a name so intensely evil it has managed to italicise the 'Lex' part in the Dutch epic I just mentioned. I don't know if there's much point in continuing now, Lex is running the show, first the type phase, next the content. I can see him now, guarding the gates of hell with two eager pin-striped city whores astride his lap, barking down orders to his army of drones, as they slowly go about affecting the content, form and style of every slanderous blog on tehj inretbew jdflffghjfg.

Fin.